remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
