He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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