We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
