Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
