he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
