We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
