i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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