Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
