I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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