I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
