I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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