lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
