she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
