2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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