I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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