oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
