I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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