As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
