Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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