Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
