So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
