she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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