I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
