yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
