i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
