Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize