so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
