I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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