Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
