Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need water and some morals
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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