Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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