I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize