IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
