Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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