I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize