Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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