she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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