i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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