More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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