this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
