Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
