I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drake has all the answers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
