So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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