I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
