Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
