Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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