is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
