Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
