chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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