Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize