we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
