Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
