i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
