I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
