If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
