Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh god it's open bar.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
