I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
