she looked like the before picture.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
