So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
