Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
