operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize