Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize