best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
