Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
