it wasn't lemon gatorade
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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