is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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