went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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