you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
